• Home
  • Episodes
  • Books for Leaders
  • About Us
    • Our Team
    • Contact Us
  • Our Sponsors
  • Blog
  • Our Newsletter
The Leadership Podcast

The Leadership Podcast

We Study Leaders

June 17, 2020

TLP207: Finding Common Ground

https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/theleadershippodcast/TLP_207.mp3
Play in New Window Download

Brian Ahearn specializes in applying the science of influence and persuasion in everyday situations, and authored the LinkedIn course Persuasive Selling and has been cited in The small BIG, Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive, and Introducing Persuasion: A Practical Guide. Brian believes the ability to connect with someone is everywhere, it just takes a conversation and an intense curiosity to find commonalities. 

Key Takeaways

[2:45] Brian trained under Dr. Robert Cialdini. Dr. Cialdini loves to research and experiment with different theories. Brian, on the other hand, loves taking that research and applying it right away. 

[6:05] Leaders can use influence for good (instead of manipulation) by being empathic and taking the time to truly know the person working for them. When you have people’s best interests at heart, it’s easy to get good work done.

[10:50] Salespeople who understand technology and know how to build a connection virtually are really going to thrive in this new environment. Understanding the technology you’re working with right now is critical when you can’t shake someone’s hand.

[13:25] The biggest mistake that Brian sees in coaching is when companies do not give coaches the correct space or training for them to excel in their company environment.

[14:55] Coaches shouldn’t be ‘telling’ people what to do. They should be asking the right questions and getting the mentee to act on their own.

[17:30] A good salesperson asks questions, allows the customer to talk, and when they’re listening, they start to understand the customer’s needs and buying type. The same applies to coaching.

[20:40] People right now are finding out how strong their customer relations really are because they have to connect differently than before.

[22:20] During this time, it’s important to show genuine concern for people! Sometimes just reaching out to check in and see how they’re doing, is all you need to do.

[24:20] The more we find we have in common, the more we naturally like that person.

[31:00] It’s up to you to emotionally start connecting with people. Look for everything you can find about a person that the two of you have in common. 31:00] It’s up to you to emotionally start connecting with people. Look for everything you can find that you have in common with this new person or acquaintance.

[32:55] A lot of good things are coming out of quarantine. People from all over are using Zoom to connect with old friends.

[36:20] People are more motivated by what they might lose than what they might gain.

[39:15] You need to trust that when you have people’s best interests at heart, that they will respond positively to that. It all starts with you and the choices that you make.

[42:30] There’s something good in everybody and if you can find it, even the most difficult people will become someone you could enjoy working with.


The Leadership Podcast is sponsored by W.S. Darley & Company.  

Founded in 1908, Darley remains a family owned and operated business, providing the highest quality equipment solutions to our country’s warfighters and firefighters.  

Learn more at darley.com and darleydefense.com


Quotable Quotes

“If I ask the right questions and help you come up with a solution, you will be much more committed to that solution because you came up with it.” Share on X “It’s easy for us to say yes to people we know and like.” Share on X “Go in with a mindset of how can I come to like them.” Share on X

Additional Resources

  • Influencepeople.biz
  • Connect with John on Twitter: @BrianAhearn
  • The Best of Enemies (film 2019)
Brian Ahearn

These are the books mentioned in Brian’s interview.

Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical

Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical
Buy now!
Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
Buy now!
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

The Leadership Podcast is proud to announce a new initiative with thoughtLEADERS to provide very short podcasts called “chalk talks.” They’re “bitesize” hacks on common (but challenging) leadership issues. Interested in learning more? 

You can only access the Chalk Talks by subscribing to our newsletter at The Leadership Podcast.

Beyond the Uniform offers over 300 free episodes to help military Veterans succeed in their civilian career. This includes overviews of potential career paths, deep dives on necessary skills to succeed, and reviews of other free services that support the military Veteran community. You can find more info at BeyondTheUniform.org.

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: agreement, coaching, common ground, influence, leadership, mentoring, persuasion

TLP206: Prisoners of Our Own Perspective
TLP208: Ask for More - 10 Questions to Negoti...

Related Posts

  • TLP034: Reframing Your Life Story Can Make You A Better Leader
  • TLP266: What It Means To Be Human – Sebastian Junger
  • TLP226: Balancing Career & Family Responsibilities – with General Lori Robinson
  • TLP455: Break Free from Self-imposed Limitations with Kasey D’Amato
  • TLP389: Worry is a Misuse of Imagination with Harris III

Trackbacks

  1. Quarterly Newsletter - influencePEOPLE says:
    July 6, 2020 at 11:01 am

    […] The Leadership Podcast is hosted by Jan Rutherford and Jim Vaselopulos. If you want to learn about leadership from a variety of people, including Simon Sinek and Dan Pink, you should check out the show. When I was guest the talk got very philosophical which I thoroughly enjoyed. […]

iTunes
Spotify
Audible
SoundCloud
iHeartRADIO

Instagram Feed

westudyleaders

#leadership #leadershiptraining #leader #westudyleaders

TLP507: Disrupt or Be Buried: The Mindset That Cha TLP507: Disrupt or Be Buried: The Mindset That Changes Everything Our latest episode with Patrick Leddin https://bit.ly/TLP-507?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders&utm_content=TLP507%3A%20Disrupt%20or%20Be%20Buried%3A%20The%20Mindset%20That%20Changes%20Everything #leadership #disruption #leadership #disrupteverything #patrickleddin #jamespattersonbooks #militaryleadership #entrepreneurship #changemanagement #resilience #selfawareness #leadershipdevelopment #positivedisruption #growthmindset #fearofchange #theleadershippodcast #westudyleaders
Before Will Linssen coaches anyone he runs them th Before Will Linssen coaches anyone he runs them through this. Three simple questions that tell him almost immediately whether this person will be in the 95% who change or the ones who waste everyone's time. The answer has nothing to do with skill level or title. Full episode here - https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-505?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #aileadership #futureofleadership #leadershipdevelopment #westudyleaders #theleadershippodcast #shorts #executivecoaching
Most leaders think the biggest threat to their tea Most leaders think the biggest threat to their team is performance.Missed targets. Wrong hires. Bad culture.Nick Black watched some of America's greatest warriors fall — not to the enemy, but to silence.Not because they were weak.Because no one was checking on them.Isolation is the enemy. And it does not announce itself.Listen to the full conversation. https://bit.ly/TLP-513?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders #leadershippodcast #leadership #mentalhealth #isolation #veteranleadership #leadershipquotes #podcast #selfreliantleadership #militaryleadership #leadershipdevelopment
One of the hardest things Nick Black ever faced ha One of the hardest things Nick Black ever faced had nothing to do with combat.One week after one of the most intense firefights of the deployment, one of those men took his own life.And a year later, Nick read something that broke him open completely.More servicemen and women were dying by suicide than in combat.He still does not fully know what to do with that.But it changed the entire direction of his life.What do you think leaders most often miss when it comes to the people right in front of them?The full episode is up now. https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-513?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadershippodcast #leadership #stopsolidersuicide #veteranmentalhealth #militaryleadership #podcast #mentalhealth #service #leadershipdevelopment #shorts
No sugarcoating it. Will Linssen has coached leade No sugarcoating it. Will Linssen has coached leaders across six continents and says ego is the single biggest reason people don't change, no matter how much potential they have.And the scary part? Most of them don't even know it's happening. He breaks down exactly how to spot it early and what to do about it. TLP505 here - https://bit.ly/TLP-505?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #leadershipcoaching #coachability #selfawareness #westudyleaders #theleadershippodcast #executivecoaching
Not every day is going to feel meaningful. Difficu Not every day is going to feel meaningful. Difficult bosses, missed numbers, teams that won't move. But the leaders who come out the other side with something real are the ones who stayed in the fight long enough to earn the scar.Find the mission. Do it for someone else. Don't quit before the sentence ends.Drop everything for 45 minutes and listen to this one with Matt Cavanaugh. https://bit.ly/TLP-508?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #leadershiplessons #growthmindset #militaryleadership #resilience #bestscarwins #mattcavanaugh #theleadershippodcast #failure #purpose
Kevin Rice was leading a growing company, adding o Kevin Rice was leading a growing company, adding over 100 people, navigating an acquisition, raising two boys alone, all during a pandemic.His coping mechanism was to shut everything off. No emotions. No processing. Just output.From the outside it looked like peak performance.His team and his kids were getting a version of him that was present in body but absent everywhere that mattered.That is the version of leadership nobody talks about enough.Episode 512 of The Leadership Podcast is a good place to start that conversation. Go find it. https://bit.ly/TLP-512?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #leadershipdevelopment #emotionalintelligence #theleadershippodcast #executiveleadership #CEOmindset #personalgrowth #parenting #entrepreneur #selfawareness
Most people treat disruption like a storm they jus Most people treat disruption like a storm they just have to survive. Patrick Leddin spent years studying the people who don't. And what he found is that the gap between leaders who get buried by change and leaders who use it has nothing to do with talent or timing. It starts with one question: are you willing to pause long enough to see what's actually in front of you?Episode 507 is out now. Go give it a listen. https://bit.ly/TLP-507?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleadersThe full conversation will change how you think about this. Episode 507 is out now. https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-507?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #disruption #disrupteverything #patrickleddin #leadershipdevelopment #militaryleadership #theleadershippodcast #westudyleaders #growthmindset #changemanagement
Our guest in this week's episode is Will Linssen, Our guest in this week's episode is Will Linssen, he has coached over 100,000 leaders across six continents. 95% of them got measurably better. Not self-reported. Confirmed by their coworkers.So what is everyone else missing?If your team isn't noticing your growth, Will's answer about it is simple and kind of uncomfortable. Click the link to listen to TLP505 with Will Linssen. https://bit.ly/TLP-505?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleadersWatch it on YouTube- https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-505?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #leadershipcoaching #executivecoaching #leadershipdevelopment #coaching #teamperformance #theleadershippodcast #westudyleaders #triplewin #willlinssen
Disruption is not always about blowing things up. Disruption is not always about blowing things up. Sometimes the most disruptive move in the room is refusing to follow the crowd. Patrick Leddin breaks this down in a way that actually reframes how you think about change and leadership.We went deep on this in Episode 507. Don't miss it. https://bit.ly/TLP-507?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #disruption #leadershiplessons #westudyleaders #disrupteverything #leadershipdevelopment #leadershipcoach #changeleadership #leadershippodcast
Most people wait until they feel ready before taki Most people wait until they feel ready before taking action. Jill Schulman's research in positive psychology proves that's backwards. Confidence doesn't come first. Action does. Every time you move forward despite fear, you're building the neural pathways that create real confidence. Move forward before you feel ready.Discover why action comes first. https://bit.ly/TLP-518?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#bravery #leadershipdevelopment #personalgrowth #psychology #fearless #confidence #mindset #actiontaker
If you constantly tear down the system you're part If you constantly tear down the system you're part of, don't be surprised when people disconnect from it.That shows up inside teams too.Leaders set the tone. Not just through strategy, but through how they talk about the work, the mission, and the people around them. If everything sounds cynical or negative, that becomes the culture.And culture shapes who stays, who leaves, and how people show up every day.This one is worth the full listen. Go check out the whole episode of Dr. Bill Kline and tell us what hit you the hardest. https://bit.ly/TLP-509?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #leadershipdevelopment #teamculture #capitalism #businessleadership #tlp509
Most leaders can scale. Almost none can scale with Most leaders can scale. Almost none can scale without breaking what they built.Joth Ricci—CEO of LYBL, founder of Rafti Advisors, former CEO of Dutch Brothers—scaled Dutch Bros from 27 to 92 locations in three years without losing culture. In this episode, Joth talks about what actually breaks first when you grow fast, how to keep people's systems moving with your growth, and why discipline matters more than ambition.Watch now: https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-516?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleadersListen now! https://bit.ly/TLP-516?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #leadershipdevelopment #scaling #businessgrowth #dutchbros #organizationalculture #executiveleadership #westudyleaders
Matt Cavanaugh wasn't running 620 miles through ex Matt Cavanaugh wasn't running 620 miles through extreme deserts for himself.He was running to prove that life after kidney donation is full. That someone watching from Montana might decide to climb onto a transplant table themselves. That his daughters would see their dad do something everyone told him was impossible.And in the middle of a sandstorm in the Atacama Desert, beat up and eating chili pistachios because he was too tired to cook, he got a message from a stranger named Bryce in Montana saying he signed up to donate.That's what a real mission looks like.This one's worth blocking out time for. https://bit.ly/TLP-508?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #missiondriven #purposedriven #militaryleadership #leadershipdevelopment #theleadershippodcast #mattcavanaugh #bestscarwins #servantleadership #selfimprovement
Many people still treat leadership like a personal Many people still treat leadership like a personality trait. Like it's something you either naturally have or you don't.But one pattern continued to emerge across 500 leadership conversations. The strongest leaders remained students.They kept reading, adapting, questioning themselves, learning from mistakes, and evolving with changing environments.What stood out most was not perfection. It was intellectual humility.The willingness to rethink assumptions, listen carefully, and continue growing long after success arrived.What do you think is the hardest part of staying teachable once someone becomes successful? https://bit.ly/TLP-511?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadershippodcast #leadersarelearners #leadership #podcast #executivecoaching #selfreliantleadership #leadershipmyths
Matt Cavanaugh is not telling you to never quit. H Matt Cavanaugh is not telling you to never quit. He's saying the wisdom of any decision can only be judged from the finish line, not the middle of the race. And that the fastest thing that kills a team is a leader who stops believing before the sentence is over.That's worth thinking about this week. Full episode live now. https://bit.ly/tlpyt508?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #quit #endurance #militaryleadership #leadershiplessons #mattcavanaugh #bestscarwins #theleadershippodcast #resilience #growthmindset
A lot of people talk about capitalism like it's ju A lot of people talk about capitalism like it's just an idea or a belief.Dr. Bill Kline brings it back to something more concrete. He explains that markets only work when there's trust, rules, and accountability behind them."Capitalism does not exist without ethics."No property rights. No enforceable contracts. No real market.Take ethics out of the system and what you're left with isn't capitalism. It's chaos with a price tag.Honestly one of the most grounded things said on this show in a while. Go listen to the full conversation. https://bit.ly/TLP-509?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#businessethics #capitalism #leadership #freemarkets #leadershippodcast #tlp509
Most leaders think tension is toxic. Jim Brown say Most leaders think tension is toxic.Jim Brown says they're wrong.Tension is normal. Predictable. Necessary.The problem isn't that your team disagrees. It's that they don't know what you're aiming for.When people lack clarity around shared goals, disagreements turn into arguments. Someone stomps out. Trust breaks.But when everyone knows what you're actually trying to build together? That same tension becomes energy. Ideas get challenged. Better decisions emerge.Productive tension is anchored in clarity, not comfort.Hear the full conversation on episode 517. https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-517?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#productiveconflict #leadershipteams #organizationalhealth #teamdynamics #leadershipdevelopment #conflictresolution #theleadershippodcast #jimbrownorghealth
Most people think capitalism and ethics are two se Most people think capitalism and ethics are two separate conversations. Dr. Bill Kline says they were never separate to begin with. Pull out the ethics and you don't have a market anymore, you just have chaos with a price tag.This one reframes everything. Go find the full conversation, it's worth your time. https://bit.ly/TLP-YT-509?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#capitalism #businessethics #leadership #freemarkets #leadershippodcast #shorts #tlp509
Most leaders frame failure as the opposite of winn Most leaders frame failure as the opposite of winning. Matt Cavanaugh says that framing is the whole problem.Win, learn, or die. No other outcomes exist. And that one shift changes how you look at every setback you've been carrying around.The leader who avoids failure avoids judgment.You'll want to hear him say this in his own words. https://bit.ly/tlpyt508?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=westudyleaders#leadership #failure #growthmindset #militaryleadership #leadershipdevelopment #mattcavanaugh #bestscarwins #theleadershippodcast #mindset #resilience
Follow on Instagram

Recent Posts

  • TLP518: The Bravery Effect: Jill Schulman on Why Courage Is a Skill, Not a Trait
  • TLP517: The Accountability Gap: Why Leaders Misjudge Their Own Impact with Jim Brown
  • TLP516: The Leader as Teacher: Building Leaders, Scaling Companies, and Multiplying Impact with Joth Ricci
  • TLP515: Why Structured Debate Is a Leadership Superpower
  • TLP514: What High-Performing Leaders Get Wrong About Stress with Karen Doll

Recent Comments

  • Quarterly Newsletter - influencePEOPLE on TLP513: The Leadership Cost of Isolation with Nick Black
  • Quarterly Newsletter - influencePEOPLE on TLP511: What 500 Top Leaders Taught Us — And Why It’s Not What You Think
  • Quarterly Newsletter - influencePEOPLE on TLP508: Your Scars Are Your Resume
  • Quarterly Newsletter - influencePEOPLE on TLP505: Why Leadership Coaching So Often Fails
  • Quarterly Newsletter - influencePEOPLE on TLP504: Why Your Team Is Still Disengaged

Tags

adaptability assumptions athletics business change coaching communication corporate crucible culture Curiosity decision making education emotional intelligence entrepreneur Executive Coaching financial history humor innovation interview Jan Rutherford Jim & Jan Jim Vaselopulos leader leadership leadership development Leadership Podcast military neuroscience Personal Growth philosophy practitioner productivity relationships resilience speaker sports stories team development teamwork thought leader trust veterans workplace culture

Copyright © 2026 Rafti Advisors, LLC & Self-Reliant Leadership, LLC - All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy